What's the Deal???

I haven't been on here for a while, and I do apologize. I've had some good things happen, and have been busy. Good, good.

There is a contention right now, and while many people label it as right-winged versus left-winged, I think it is MUCH more a contention of open-minded versus closed-minded. And the closed-minded bunch come from all walks of life. There are people who are smart and well-educated and believe themselves to be open-minded, but in their own view of things, are as closed-minded as the fundamentalists they abhor. This is a problem.

So...the internet. Wonderful thing. Forums--wonderful, though dangerous. I did have the opportunity to get into a forum debate about abortion, and realized, in the argument, the fundamentals of why I am pro-choice, though I respect the pro-life side. But some people just cross the line...

The reason I write this brief entry is to express my annoyance with people who voice their closed-minded opinions on the internet. Some of these people are very conservative; others are probably self-proclaimed liberals who still are as closed-minded as the people they fight against. What's the deal???

I just don't understand why people feel the need to put their mindset into other people's heads. Isn't that the beauty of being human? Isn't that why we founded America, or rather, democracy? And I'm not saying democracy is the best thing for everyone; I'm only saying that in the country I live in, that's our style.

I recently came across someone on a wonderful website--43 Things--who was going on to all these threads and telling people they were wrong. For reference, 43 Things is a goal-building site. You can pick up to 43 goals and either make your own or join one that has many members. I choose one that has many members, because then you can post and support each other. Each goal has its own page. Of course, it's had its problems because many people have negative goals. They ban goals that harm others, but then there are the anorexia and suicidal goals...which they can't ban, but luckily now they put a disclaimer on the page. So, that's good.

Anyway, I was reading this page about Law of Attraction goal, and was thinking this was really cool when I come across one post of some jackass who just says, "Sorry to tell you but...it doesn't work. Click here." And he gives a link to go to, and whatever...but I've been in email arguments with this guy because he is so closed-minded about things in the way that he wants everyone to think like he does.

Why would someone go on threads and tell them they are wrong? And then, he goes on to say that the Christians, with whom he disagrees, get mad at him because, in his opinion, they are forced to see something they don't want to. I'm sorry, but if you come at people with a statement that their beliefs are wrong, or stupid, you're automatically saying you think that you're better than them. Why would someone listen to that? Or put up with that?

And in doing all this, I realized that this is probably part of my growth, dealing with people like this. Letting those people go. Why should it get me mad? They are not in my everyday life; I enter willingly into internet conversations with them. I probably shouldn't get involved.

But the main problem I see is the absolute resistance to seeing things from another point of view. This is, of course, why I'm an actress. To be an actress, you must portray people from varying walks of life, and you might not always agree with the character's motives, but it is YOUR job to find sympathy in the character, and why she does what she does. No one is purely evil and acting to be so (well, maybe a few people). Every person has a reason why they believe or behave the way he or she does. I just believe that we need to have respect for one another and realize that we don't know what's best for everyone, and we don't have the answer for every person out there.

Maybe I'm not making sense...maybe I'm just babbling...it's late. I just want people to respect one another and to realize that what suits you does NOT necessarily suit another.

That's my 2 cents. Cash it in if you like.

Check It Out: Steve Pavlina

Okay, so a while back I came across this guy's website because I was curious as to how to make a living from my home computer. So, this guy's blog shows up, and I read this article entitled "10 Reasons You Should Never Have a Job" or something. Then I saw his other posts, and I was really excited to see the depth of human potential that he was passionate about.

So you know, I'm not praising him for any "exchange" or anything--he doesn't do that, especially not with small potatoes like me. I am mentioning this because I think his blogs, articles, and podcasts are extremely beneficial.

As you may know from reading my posts on The Secret, I appreciate the effort and the message, but hate the delivery. I hate the glassy-eyed "life is so great! Just use quantum physics!" kind of approach that some authors sell to make a buck. I'm not saying it's not true, but what I am saying is that some people know what they're talking about, and give a systematized, logical, and usually not that easy plan to follow, and some just water everything down to what you want to hear. I'm not saying that The Secret can't do wonders for you--it may do just that. But there are so many other factors in manifesting our lives that are not covered in depth by the book. So, applaud to Ms. Byrne for the movie and book, but think of it as a trailer for the Law of Attraction. I mean, trailers are absolutely fabulous (usually) even if the movie is shit. And also, The Secret has an amazing trailer, though I prefer What the Bleep Do We Know because it is more scientific.

Now, I'm not a person who needs scientific explanation, but I do need philosophical basis for any theory I'm going to listen to. Steve Pavlina has a whole bunch of amazingly insightful posts and podcasts on self-improvement: being an early riser, finding your passion, the law of attraction, polarity (still struggling with that one), subjective reality, finding your purpose...the list goes on and on.

The thing I like about Steve the most is his openness about his beliefs, no matter how absurd they may seem. And these are, by the way, philosophical, not religious beliefs. He is not interested in "winning you over," and I think therein lies much of his charm. I am kind of sick of being marketed to as far as New Age philosophies are concerned, also because I accept them open-heartedly; they make sense to me. But to be sold an idea makes me distrustful of the seller.

I highly recommend his podcasts. You get a sense of the man behind the writing, and you really understand his enthusiasm for what he does. The last podcast I listened to (twice, mind you, and it's over an hour long) was "The True Nature of Reality" about subjective reality. What is this? Well, have you ever realized that you have no proof--none whatsoever--that anything outside your consciousness exists? What if YOU were the ONLY consciousness? What if you were consciousness, and your entire world, including your physical being, were a manifestation of that consciousness? It sounds pretty out there, and he agrees. But he goes in depth about how he came to this conclusion and how well it's working for him. It doesn't perpetrate an egotistical point of view, but on the contrary, a more loving point of view. After all, isn't objective reality a leap of faith? If you have no definite proof that anything outside you exists, which is the basis for most modern science, then isn't that one assumption nothing but blind faith?

I encourage you to check him out for yourself. And, if you're into psychic development, you can easily link over to his wife's website, Erin Pavlina here.

Check Steven out here. Don't be put off by things you don't believe in; he has a variety of subjects that are incredibly beneficial and practical, without the (quote, un-quote) mumbo-jumbo.

Peace.

Fly, Fly Away

Ever had a lucid dream? If you have, you know how amazing the experience is. If you don't, well, I suggest you give it a shot.

A lucid dream is a dream where you, the dreamer, realize you are dreaming, and hopefully, though not always, take over the dream. Ideally, you create any situation you want; it's a playground of creativity and experience. What would you do? Some people might have wild orgies; it sounds crude, but it's a nice, safe place to experiment, and no one will judge you except yourself. The obvious answer, however, is to fly. Flying dreams are the most invigorating and uplifting, and provides such a wonderful physical sensation as a metaphor for the "real" world.

I haven't had many flying dreams, but one was a long, long time ago in my childhood. I was outside at a canyon and fell off the cliff--a common occurrence in my dreams, though normally it would end with my waking up, startled. This time, I realized I was dreaming while falling, and thought, "why not fly?" And so, I did.

People often have flying dreams at periods of freedom after stress, or when such a situation is available. I remember a friend remarking that after her finals, she had such a dream. It can also be a signal from the subconscious that maybe you need to take control (instead of the situation taking control of you), lighten up, and "fly" above your situation.

So, my dream: I am waiting to have my picture taken (I've been watching too much America's Next Top Model), and I'm on this slippery, muddy hill outside of my house. I have platforms on, a bunch of stuff in my hand like some wine and my cell phone, and who knows what else. I actually am somewhat aware I'm dreaming because I'm sleeping in on my day off, so I'm pretty much dozing in an alpha state. However, I still fail to take control of the dream. I fall down and drop everything, and when I try to get up, the situation gets worse: my shoes come off, I spill juice down my dress, I slide down the hill. I scramble to get up and pick everything up, and then the objects I've dropped keep changing. There are now four pairs of shoes instead of one, and I know I'm dreaming, but that I have to pick up the real shoes, or the others will vanish. My body isn't working right, I keep sliding down the hill, and I just can't get control. Several times I then walk up the steps to get to my stuff, but somehow end up on this rickety ledge and realize I've done something wrong getting back to my things. I do this many, many times, and then, when the ledge looks like it's going to drop me to the ground, I realize, "why not fly?"

So I step off the ledge and I fall slightly but then float there in the air. Everyone is ooh-ing and ah-ing, and I feel this intense joy and freedom tingling through my whole body. I fly away, because now that I can do this, I want to see some amazing things. Beyond the house is a large kind of desert, but I see enormous creatures all over, gentle and dangerous. I remember seeing a large pegasus and realizing now that I can fly, too. The flying felt identical to when I was floating at the pool last weekend, sitting on a noodle; it was a kind of floating state that could move forward, but was also dependent on buoyancy, so that one wrong move, and you're going down (like when the noodle floats up from underneath you).

Now, I play a computer game called World of Warcraft. You may have heard of it, you may not have, but the setup of my dream was a lot like their landscapes: sweeping vistas, rich foliage, and large monsters. I went over to the ocean, and what I saw was incredible. There were these islands made up to look like totems, and strange signs of some other creatures' civilization. In the ocean were gigantic beasts: bears, griffins, and dragons that I wasn't too scared of because I realized I looked like a fly to them. I had other storylines in there as well, and I would visit this city that kind of reminded me of Burano, Italy, with colorful facades. There was a swamp with dinosaurs right by the city that scared me, and I often would lose my flight. To start again, I needed some momentum, and it usually just required a jump and the ability to let go and not question what magic was happening. When I tried to reason, I would fall.

Sounds quite similar, actually, to how the Law of Attraction works: the ability to manifest our desires, freedom from all "logical" thought, emotions, and situations that we pretend cause our lives, but are really the effect of what we've been thinking. The dream is ridiculously obvious as far as how it relates to my life. I always have dreams of trying to do something but getting stalled in the process, and I believe it's my viewpoint on how I tackle life's challenges. Going to work becomes so charged with negative energy because I have to do all this stuff first, including taking care of my stepson and getting him to school. The more I get frustrated will all the steps, the harder they become, until I'm falling down in the mud. If you've read my post about my car, well, this metaphor is VERY obvious.

Today, because unfortunately work, some chores and um--what was it? OH! That's right--gravity--are keeping me from flying to fantastic lands, I will do my damnedest to "fly" in every way I can today. And maybe, just maybe, this world around me is as malleable as a lucid dream. What if it were? What would I imagine, and intend to bring it up before my eyes? What does it take for me to not rely on the facts, but on my own creative, divine power?

Then you can live your dreams...lol.

Check out this site for some great articles on lucid dreaming.

What to Do When You're Reduced to Tears

Whether or not we like it, the time comes when we break down. It's too much to take, and letting those emotions in just seems easier than trying to artificially dodge those "bad" feelings. There are a couple of things to do with a situation like this.

1. Let the feelings in. I am a firm believer that emotions will come and go, the "good" and the "bad," but in actuality, they are all necessary. We do suffer, however petty or profound. No one can tell you if you've experienced a devastating loss, that you should think and feel "positive" feelings. That's absurd. As humans, or, f---, as animals, we feel pain, loss, sorrow, guilt, shame, etc., etc. It's a part of our humanity and it only prolongs suffering if we postpone it or resist it.

So, a la the Sedona Method, allow the feeling in, let it seep through your entire existence as much as it needs to. Then, maybe you need to watch television and zone out. Often, once we let these emotions run rampant as they want, they leave us in an indeterminable state. We aren't ready to face any more emotions, or even to think about ourselves--or be ourselves. Do what feels right, but don't resist. There comes a point when you can let go--if even just a little bit. We might hold on to sorrow because it connects us with what we lost; after a while, that becomes unhealthy. But, that is all up to you, and nobody but you. So, let it run its course, and then, maybe immediately or maybe a while later, you'll be able to let it go.

2. Turn the tears into tears of joy. There are times when we cry non-specifically. That is, I didn't lose my dog or my boyfriend, but I'm feeling overwhelmed or lost. The feeling is there, though it doesn't have a specific cause (and no, it's not PMS...well, even if it is). I might just feel crappy because I'm sick of trying to feel positive, or it's gray outside, or whatever; but I am reduced to tears.

Crying is not indicative of sorrow; it's indicative of a strong emotion. Maybe this is more of a "girl" thing than it is a "guy" thing usually, but only in the way it manifests, really. Crying from joy is pure delight; so is crying from gratefulness. The next time you feel helpless and as much as you try, you can't back away from tears, see if you can keep the intensity, but change the source of that intensity.

At any rate, a good cry is worth more than people give it credit. Let it out--but don't hold on to it. Let it go when you're ready.

The Difficulties of Remembering the Law of Attraction

Why is it that we automatically assume the worst? Why do we choose to worry rather than manifest the best solution?

I had a car situation. A BAD car situation. I am very, very inept with cars, and really just prefer someone else takes care of the problem at hand. However, whenever I go to a mechanic to fix my car, I'm both relieved that someone can make things better and terrified of what they'll say. I guess the statement I'm afraid of is something like, "Wow...you really f-ed up this car. What an idiot you are. What a bad, stupid person for even owning, let alone not taking care of this car like you should. It's going to cost $5,000-7,000 to fix, but I'd recommend you go out and throw yourself in front of a car rather than try to continue your pathetic car-owning existenece."

Silly, I know, but afraid of criticism when I go, so obviously, I make every excuse not to. And, I had a stack of parking tickets, overdue registration and expired insurance. Oops. Bad. I don't know why, but I've found it refreshing to ignore these tasks recently, in defiance to the stress they cause me. Pretending they don't exist is not the best solution, however.

So, my car gets towed. And I find out I need to A) get insurance, B) fax over proof of insurance to this office called the Office of Financial Responsibility, C) pay my parking tickets to my city, D) wait for the Office of blah blah to clear my registration, then go to the DMV and pay them and get a temporary permit, E) go to the PD to get a vehicle release (and pay them, too, of course), F) go to the tow yard, pay THEM and then get my car. And all this time I'm thinking the car doesn't work, and I'll have to get it towed to my house where it would be immobile like it was before.

I think the most stress was step D, only because they take SOOOO long, and they don't give a shoot (that's the s-word and "hoot" combining to make "shoot;" pretty cute, huh?). I was trying to release on this, but found it extremely hard. As anyone knows, when you're on the line, paying money, and have to wait for some miserable goober in a crappy job to stamp a piece of paper and take it to the other side of the room, it's extremely frustrating. I was using the Sedona method, and realizing this was a result of my wanting control over the situation, so I tried to release the wanting to control. It worked short-term, but there was obviously more I had to do, because I made many, many angry calls to the office trying to bully my way ahead of the line and it got me NOWHERE. I had been told it takes them three business days. That is a problem because they received the information on Thursday, so then I have to wait to continue those three business days the following week. Meanwhile, I'm paying the tow yard over $30/day.

So, I'm calling every day, and nothing. I want my car out of storage; I want to rectify this. They don't care. Then, at the end of the second business day, one lady tells me, "well, then it takes three business days to get processed by the DMV." I'm flabbergasted. So, I freak out. I'm home alone, and I'm so distraught and feel so out of control that I just, well, have a tantrum, basically.

Now, I don't recommend tantrums--ever. Get it out when you're four. The only good thing is that it got me realizing that my own sanity is worth much more than my own car. So after an entire night of trashy reality television, and staying home from work the following day, I just don't care anymore. NOW, I'm finally released of wanting control.

About 1pm, I'm thinking I should call and check if the DMV released my suspension of registration, although I really don't even want to think about it. I force myself to call, and it looks like it's released! It only took ONE business day, instead of three (and sometimes seven to ten).

So, that was releasing/manifesting success #1, though I would never, ever recommend my method of release to anyone. The second was that once I got through to step F, I was still uncertain of how to deal with my car. I set up for a tow truck to come, but I held off sending it until I got there. My husband kept saying to drive it, but I kept feeling like I was driving a bomb before (I'm always afraid my car will blow up when something's wrong with it). The only problem is that it leaks coolant, and so after a few days, the engine overheats. That, and my oil was low. Anyway, I kept thinking of "what am I going to do with my broken car?" and then I reminded myself to just picture myself in the car, being so excited that I have it back and it works. It was really hard to remember, actually. I kept trying to find a solution to a problem that, truthfully, I didn't even know that I had. Maybe just putting some fluids in would fix the whole problem.

So, I brought some oil with me to the tow yard and had some coolant in the car already. The lady at the desk tells me to give her my keys, but I ask instead to look at the car before I decide what to do. She agrees.

Also, let me add that I'm in East Oakland, and I'm a little frightened of being there. Anyway, the man drives me to my car, and I tell him I want to add oil and coolant, and he sticks around and obviously can see I have NO idea what I'm doing, so he helps me. He funnels the oil in with a newspaper and pours the coolant in the radiator. then he helps me as I turn on the car--it took about 10 seconds--and lets the car run.

Guess what? It's TOTALLY FINE. It's not overheating, even a little bit. It's running beautifully; the oil obviously helped. So, he fills up my container with water so I'll have some on hand, and I drive home.

What a relief! It took me about an hour, both with traffic and getting lost, and the car ran beautifully the entire time. It wasn't until the next day that I realized that I had manifested exactly what I had visualized when I reminded myself to focus on the positive.

Now, part of this is manifestation, and part of it is learning not to create problems where there are none; much ado about nothing. This car had sat outside my house for two months without being used because I was too afraid of using it. That, and I was sick of driving everyone all the time, so I welcomed having no car for the first couple of weeks. But I manifested all of this horrible stuff with my car because I'm afraid of it; I manifested...well, I won't go into it, but I was always afraid my car would be gone one morning. The one morning I grab oil and my husband to see what happens, the car is gone. "Too little, too late," the universe replied...

But now it's back, and it's legal, and I've learned the value of letting things be and focusing on what I want, not how to get out of a problem I might have. Both of these things, for both practical, non-LOA purposes, are immensely better than the alternative.

So when our plans to vacation next week looked unlikely, I had to remind myself to not think about how unhappy I am, but to try and create a new vacation, a better vacation. Sometimes we don't even realize how damaging our thoughts can be because they're such a habit for us. Breaking that habit is extremely difficult, but, I believe it can and will be done.

Another future thing I'm trying to manifest is (writing it here solidifies it):

I am so grateful that now I earn $2500 a month at least in one or several jobs that are all fun, worthwhile, total less than 40 hours/week, and are flexible enough so that I can easily fit in auditions and performances for acting gigs to progress my acting career.

The amount of money isn't much at all, I know, but it's what I need right now. I have a hard time with money, so I'm working one step at a time.

Another Mood-Lifter

Blessings. It sounds corny, but you know what? Bless some people. See what happens. You don't have to do it out loud; just say it silently, in your head. Or maybe you mentally hold a hand up to their forehead, or maybe you just wish them all the happiness in the world. After a while, your mood changes. You become excited to bless people, excited to encounter people.

I am an introverted person, so I tend to retreat from people more than I approach them (not that I'm not friendly, or can't be outgoing, but this is where my tendency lies). I tried this one day as I was walking around the lake around my house. I decided to bless every person I passed until I reached home. At first, it was difficult; I didn't feel I had much to give people. But after the first ten or twenty, it was simple, and after thirty or forty it was fun. I felt a part of the world more than not, which is a new and different feeling for me. I felt positive and helpful and hopeful for myself and others.

The Best Way Out of a Rut? Ask the Expert -- YOU!

I've been having a hard time lately dealing with--guess what--money issues. But I think things are on the upswing, which is good. It's a slooooow upswing, though. In trying to just feel better I was having some problems. I was releasing (using Sedona Method, see earlier posts), which is great, but I guess I really just needed a quick fix. I just wanted to feel good, and to even know what feeling good felt like.

And then a thought occured to me: why not ask myself? So, I asked myself, "How would you like to feel?"

I felt a surge of joy, coming over me in increasing waves. I felt my heart loosen and open like I do when I've made a breakthrough. Tears actually came to my eyes as I stuck with this question over and over and over. So this is what "feeling good" feels like, I thought. My body knew all the time; it's just that my thoughts were fighting it.

Try it. You don't need to be by yourself in the room, but being in your own world helps. You can be walking or meditating or anywhere where you feel you can speak to your innermost being. And ask yourself, "How would you like to feel?" It's amazing once you open up the possibility of feeling good. We get so trapped in the habit of worrying, that we don't even open up the possibility that we should feel good. Perhaps this is society; perhaps it's self-punishment for not doing everything perfectly; perhaps it's regression to a childlike state, our thoughts being the oppressors, telling us we need to feel guilty and bad for the things we haven't done right. In any case, times of feeling good often come few and far between, so that the cause seems arbitrary, the times random. Sometimes it's a good day, sometimes bad, but we don't control it. We allow something else to control it for us, to the point where we forget what "feeling good" feels like.

So, there you go. You are your own best friend. Whenever you feel stuck, fearful, anxious, frustrated, or anything that seems to debilitate your sense of freedom, ask yourself questions. If you want to feel good, ask yourself to feel good, or what it feels like to feel good. You can ask yourself why something bothers you, or why you can't finish a certain task. You can ask yourself about your life purpose. I did this recently; I was at the end of my rope, as far as getting rejected for acting roles. A role which I had informally been told was mine actually wasn't. I went down to the mini-park by my house. I smoked a cigarette or two (I know, I know) and just tried to ask God, the Universe, what was up. What's going down? Should I quit acting? I felt pretty much like I should. And I will say, when you reach out, you will feel the support. I felt my spirit guides around me, I felt the universe ready to unfold. I felt support. I heard a voice say, "Persevere, " and, "you'll get there." So, I'm still here. But in moments when we feel all alone in some way or another, when you reach inside yourself, you'll see you're far from alone. It's fun, actually.